The Art Of Listening, Tip 3: How To Get Where You Want To Go


This is a post about the Hand in Hand Parenting tool of listening time. If you’re new to the concept check out my introductory post here

Something very common I’ve used in my listening time is to voice my lack of enthusiasm for playing with my daughter. Often, all those grown-up responsibilities can make me feel the complete opposite of playful and carefree. One time my listening partner gave me the direction to say in a very excited, enthusiastic voice, ”Come on R, lets play!”

Just the thought of saying these words led to all sorts of feelings coming up, and lots of uncomfortable laughter. As I kept complaining and moaning to her about making me say those words I released lots of emotion. Immediately after the listening time, I went to play with my daughter, and as if by magic, I was that playful, joyful parent!

This is what I call the ‘get where you’re going’ direction. Perhaps you want to be full of joy as you play Lego , or you want to be calm while your kids make a mess while baking. Often just saying the words as if you really were that calm, relaxed parent in a happy, light voice, can bring up any feelings to the contrary.

It’s like when we pretend we are where we want to be in the present moment our mind quickly dredges up all the feelings that don’t correspond to our imagine state. Cue a super fast away to clear up our minds of the old feelings that stand in our way.

I have also had great success using this direction with fatigue. I’ve become aware that as well as the general parental exhaustion that is so common I also use tiredness as a coping mechanism. So if I simply state where I want to go, ”I’m so full of energy!” standing up with my arms wide, and in a loud confident voice, I get a lot of feelings about wanting to curl up and hide away.

We may have patterns of being that relate to our own childhood. Ways in which we coped with the feelings we carried when we did not have a listener. Now we are adults we don’t need those old coping mechanisms anymore. We can use listening time to shed those feelings and become the very best version of ourselves.

This direction won’t just help you in your parenting. It can also help you transform your life. Do you want to go to a party, talk to everyone, and be full of confidence? Do you want to launch your own business, or give a successful job interview? Simple stating your goal as if you’ve already arrived can help you get there.

So where do you want to go in your parenting or your life? Just imagine being there in your listening time and you will discover the feelings that stand in your way. Share this post with your listening partner, and you can help each other on your journey.

Would you like regular tips to help you develop your listening skills? Sign up to follow my blog at the top right hand corner of this page. And if you missed them here’s Tip 1 and Tip 2

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